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The Ghetto Times --- Only Fitty Cents. [entries|friends|calendar]
The Ghetto Times --- Only Fitty Cents.

Keepin' It Real Since 2003
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GHETTOCROMBIE&BITCH HITS MILAN, ITALY [03 Aug 2005|10:15am]

bg0389
[ mood | crazy ]

By bRad
GHETTO TIMES STAFF WRITER


Flint – Milan, Italy: Home of the Fashion World. But now people across the world, patrons of the universe, bums of Flint, listen up! Milan is now also the home of – you guessed it, Tara Ann Eason.
     Why is that, you say? Well we all know her famous clothing line Ghettocrombie&Bitch, which was underground for quite some time. But now, Ms. Eason with the help of her bootylicious style has romped into Milan, Italy – taken over – and demands respect.
     “It’s completely fascinating. I can’t wait to wear her clothes and make the girls on my show wear them. She’s brilliant.” Tyra Banks gushed to ET. Other models like Janice Dickenson, Naomi Campbell, Molly Sims and Gisele Bünchen (who starred in three of Eason’s Ghetto Warrior cult classics) have all praised Eason’s clothing line.
     But of course, there are the naysayers. As Eason was prepping for her joint show with Calvin Klein, Prada, and Dolce&Gabbana, some designers and Celebs confided in talking smack about Ms. Eason.
     “She just doesn’t really get it.” The president of Gucci said, “This is a place for high class, not classy jersey dresses.”
     Janet Jackson, a long time Eason hater, added, “Her clothes make mine and Michael’s noses like smaller than they already are. It’s depressing.”
But to the rescue came Missy Elliot. “All you bitches need to stop talking about my girl Muffet. She is doing her shit, she doing it good too. So back off it.”
     In other news, Eason is debuting a new reality show called, “Dancing with the Hoochies,” a parody show of ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars.” The show will be on UPN no less, and will have famous black actors, rappers, singers, and personalities dancing with eachother, not with professionals. The pairs go as follows:
1. Snoop Dogg & Ciara.
2. Beyonce & Quddus of TRL.
3. Heidi Klum & Seal.
4. Usher & Tyra Banks.
5. Diddy & Pepa.
6. Jermaine Dupri & Fergie.
7.  Bernie Mac & Jojo.


     Already, critics are buzzing about the reality show, bypassing the fact that it’s a blatant rip-off.
     “People steal ideas everyday,”  Eason said, “Look at all the rip-offs of American Idol and America’s Next Top Model! Mine will be just as good as ABC’s, maybe better.”


 


NANNYGATE-- The Wackiness Behind Jude Law's Crazy Affair's.


Sienna's Pregnant with Jude's Baby! That dirty dog! As if the Jude Law "Nannygate" drama couldn't get any more outrageous, multiple news outlets are reporting that his estranged fiancé, Sienna Miller, is p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t! According to the Star, the couple gathered friends and family together last month to announce See was nine-weeks pregnant. Days later, the mom-to-be opened the Sunday Mirror to read – in full detail – about Jude's sexual encounters with his children's 26-year-old nanny, Daisy Wright. The story also reveals that while Jude was married to his first wife, Sadie Frost, he cheated on her with no less than six different women – from A-list actresses (Nicole Kidman?) to a lap dancer. Classy fella! What does the future hold for the estranged couple? Well, last week the paparazzi photographed the "puffy-eyed" cheater leaving See's mother's house, where she's been staying since Nannygate broke. Apparently, Jude had spent the night.
Unbelievable! And although girls gripe that it's hard to find a good man, I think it's safe to say it's even harder to find a good man in Hollywood. So today we're officially putting Jude Law in the dirty doghouse.


And his pool table is for sale...
Not too much surprises us, so when we were sent this eBay listing for the pool table on which Jude Law seduced his nanny, we gasped. Tacky, tacky, tacky! The seller, who set a starting bid of $2,800, claims the table was "the one and only table that was rented by Jude Law's representative and installed in the private home rented for Mr. Law while filming the movie in New Orleans." The actor, who was engaged to Sienna Miller, was caught up in a sex scandal after admitting to having an affair with Daisy Wright, the nanny to his children. Daisy claimed that she had sex with Law on a pool table in the house he was staying in New Orleans. The listing also promises that the original cloth on the table will be included in the sale and a new cloth will be included at no additional charge. We apologize to anyone eating right now.


Conan takes a shot...
"Jude Law has publicly apologized to his fiancé for sleeping with his children's nanny. Afterwards, Law said, 'I guess I really have been in everything this year.'"
--Conan O'Brien, on his show, poking fun at the ongoing Jude Law "Nannygate" drama.


Insider ---
He's deeply in debt, so he's dishing -- for a whopping $2 million. Michael Jackson is giving his first post-trial interview to the new U.S. version of Britain's OK! magazine. Jacko, who is now living in Bahrain with his three poor, poor children, has given an exclusive interview and pictorial spread to the new weekly. Though the magazine's inaugural issue hits stands today – Jessica Simpson is the covergirl (of course!) – Jacko's interview will reportedly run next week because a deal wasn't worked out in time. A source says Jacko was given full approval over the interview and the questions are very light and fluffy – like all the stuffed animals he probably has arranged on his bed hoping to lure those little boys in. How do you feel about Jackson?

2 want some Sugar

‘GREATEST DAMNED TOUR’ THRILLS ALL [18 Jul 2005|03:52pm]

bg0389
[ mood | crazy ]

By bRad
GHETTO TIMES STAFF WRITER

Flint – Its first installment, the Just Got Back Tour (which smartly was an acronym for all the artists performing) was received by many as the must see tour of a lifetime, probably the best that ever was.
     The tour featured: Justin Timberlake, Usher, Shakira, Tara Eason, Jojo, OutKast, The Neptunes, Beyonce, Alicia Keys, Christina Aguilera, and Kanye West. Jojo filled in as the G, even though there was no G in her name. Nonetheless, critics raved about the stars saying they were the top performers of the day and that this tour was the greatest ever, hands down.
     But now, those same artists – with a couple of new additions – want to repeat that success with the sequel tour, “The Greatest Damned Tour Ever.” Half of the proceeds go to the one campaign, which Tara Eason is heavily involved with because she feels self conscious about the mass exodus that she caused in Flint just two years ago.
     “I have nightmares, I see babies getting engulfed in my booty cellulite and – and I just can’t bare it. I have to help somehow.” Eason said candidly.
   “The Greatest Damned Tour Ever” consists of the artists who were featured in the Just Got Back Tour among these new partiers: Lindsay Lohan, Kelly Clarkson, Maroon 5, John Legend, Jack Johnson, Coldplay, Rolling Stones, The Killers, Velvet Revolver, Eve, Missy Elliot, Ciara, Madonna, U2, Mariah Carey, Gwen Stefani, Busta Rhymes, The Pussycat Dolls, and William Hung. G- Unit has since been dropped from the schedule due to the fact that no one cares about them.
     And with the lofty list of a-list performers, one would expect the tickets to be in the triple digits. However, that’s quite the opposite. We caught up with tour representative Ann Chovies to discuss the issue.
     “Yes, if you buy a ticket individually it will be expensive…around the $200 mark. But if you buy it in groups, that’s different. For instant, 5 people would cost only $20 per ticket. So if you do the math, the grand total would only be $100. Plus, any amount of money you donate to the one campaign, a dollar is deducted from your ticket price.” Chovies said briefly.
     So there you have it all you ghetto fabulous gangstas and all you rich bitches…grab four of your friends and hook yourselves up with those bitchin’ tickets. You won’t regret, I mean…did you not read the list of performers?

 

Insider ---

JOLIE ADOPTS ETHIOPIAN
Ok, let’s make a bet…who here thinks the next one is going to be Polish? Any takers?

EASON DONATES TO AFRICA
It’s her self-proclaimed homeland and supposedly she still feels bad about her early 2003 colossal cellulite explosion that swiftly shoved Flint into a famine period and turned the place into utter chaos similar to 28 Days Later.
“It still creeps into my dreams and morphs them into dark nightmares,” Eason told Diane Sawyer on Primetime>Live, “I vehemently disagree that Africa isn’t a place to help, it most certainly is. They need my assfat the most, you know.”

ANISTON GETS SUPPORT, FRIENDLY
At a recent press conference, a stupid little girl ran and shoved a “Team Aniston” shirt in Jennifer’s face. Jennifer looked delighted and asked where she got it from. I assume the next day; Team Jolie members were busy prepping plans to egg this girl’s house.
Meanwhile, friends of Pitt have reported that he still has feelings for Aniston. Just don’t tell that to Oprah or she’ll pounce.

‘CHOCOLATE FACTORIES’ CLASH
Gene Wilder, the original Willy Wonka from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory has expressed hatred towards Tim Burton and all who is involved with the much more to the book remake Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But who really cares what Wilder has to think? We all love Johnny Depp so he best step off. Holla.

1 want some Sugar

EASON CUTS IT LOOSE, BRANCHES OUT [09 Jul 2005|04:15pm]

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[ mood | crazy ]

By bRad
GHETTO TIMES STAFF WRITER

Flint – The off Broadway play that Eason has been getting loads of press time finally opened and had crowds dancing in the aisles.
   “It was fun, it was really fun,” Eason told Good Morning America. “I prepared and did my best. It knew it would be an extraordinarily impressive show.”
   Mayor Bionca Kilgore released a statement saying that she would be attending the show, days later adding that it was one of her all time favorites.
   “Why wouldn’t it be? Yes, it’s a show full of white folk. But I am supporting my Muffet. The rest were aight too.” Kilgore candidly told ABC12.
   With odd dance numbers, people backhanding others, and people getting parties in their pants, one would think that Footloose would be one of the best shows to ever hit Kearsley’s prestigious stage.
    The dance numbers in themselves are something to awe at…well more like admire the people that subject themselves.
   “Yes! I made the dance things sexually charged, because I am a sexually charged lady!” Rike Wolfe shouted at reporters, “If you missed me, then tough luck you stupid prudains!”
   Eason received many compliments on her part in “Heaven Help Me” during the gym scene.
      Most of the leads had microphones, but Eason did not. However, when the time came, almost everyone said that they could hear Eason above everyone else, “Yeah, that was strange,” Eason said, “But it’s a compliment, so that makes me very happy.”
     And happy she was. So happy that she signed on to be featured in Kearsley’s next fall play and the spring musical. Rumors are swirling on both fronts.
     The fall play genre has been confirmed by Mrs. Blakemore that it will most certainly be a comedy. Which of course, delights the students. As for the spring musical, some have said that they are considering doing Chicago.
     “Chicago would be so great. I just can’t even begin to explain.” Eason said to the paparazzi.
     “It would a treat. I would quit track for sure, but the burning question in my mind is the character choices,” said Brad Gilligan, “I mean, who’d be the lawyer? Keep in mind I can’t sing well. And Jeromy is the perfect geek, and the rest can’t sing. Thus, we have a dilemma.”
But now that her off-Broadway stint is under wraps for this year, Eason is focusing on her endeavors for the summertime.
     “No, I will not be doing any movies for some time. That’s something that’s been done and I want to put that on the back burner,” Eason reported. “For the summer, I will be promoting my clothing line Ghettocrombie&Bitch, my perfume line (new scents include: Trick-licious, Pimp My B.O, and I’m sucker for some Bloods.), and I might just join the second tour of Just Got Back. But I would also like to focus on giving back to the community. Also, I think I might make a reality show.”
     Eason actually will be joining the sequel tour now called “The Greatest Damned Tour Ever.” And to live up to it’s name it includes elaborate performances by: Justin Timberlake, Ciara, OutKast, Snoop Dogg, Alicia Keys, Maroon 5, Missy Elliot, Gwen Stefani, Busta Rhymes with The Pussycat Dolls, and last and certainly least – G Unit. **

3 want some Sugar

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